


Let the Rain Fall

by Puniyo



Series: Let Them Talk [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Rent boys, Unrequited Love, alternative universe, crude language, little criminals, maybe some tissues would be fine, play on kinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 13:16:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16326971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puniyo/pseuds/Puniyo
Summary: ‘Trust, excitement, pleasure, what else do we sell?’ Javier closed the distance between them.Love. I want your love.‘A game, a hunt.’ It is another trap that Javier lays and one that Yuzuru can’t escape. ‘Soft lips.’





	Let the Rain Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Dear all, I had in mind to write an angst piece for quite some time but never had the inspiration. It happened to rain all day here, so I couldn't go out. What happens when you're bored? You write. 
> 
> This plot is loosely based on the movie My Own Private Idaho. An old 90's classic with superb performances from River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves and gorgeous cinematography. I totally recommend it to you. 
> 
> Note: This is a work of FICTION and in no ways reflect the people mentioned.  
> Note 2: I do not support or advertise the things I write. Ideas are for the sake of the plot itself. Art for art's sake.

‘Please! Please no. Not this. Please.’

Yuzuru is almost screaming, his head shaking fiercely as his back hits the wall, unable to crawl anymore. There is one hand, a palm that lands on top of his mouth and muffles his pleas.

_I’m going to be sick Javi._

_Just a little more. Be patient._

Yuzuru stares at Javier, his frightened irises of a hare cornered by a fox staring directly into the older man’s predator gaze. It’s just another role, he tells himself, but he still bites the suffocating hand, smirking as his teeth sink into the skin of his index finger. Javier hisses in pain and grabs a handful of Yuzuru’s air, pulling the blond strands back until his chin is tilted towards the ceiling.

_What the fuck Javi? That hurts bastard._

_Sorry, sorry. It’s not my fault. Be realistic, remember? He is watching._

_Sick ass._

_Just be nice._

Javier inhales the scent of fear in the exposed neck and licks the Adam’s apple. Yuzuru visibly trembles, the negative expletives mellowed by his shaky voice. The other man in the room shifts his seating position on the bed and a few shutter clicks can be heard.

‘Stop fighting,’ Javier pins Yuzuru’s arms above his head, holding him by the wrists, cutting all his upper body movements, ‘my vanilla bean.’

_Seriously Javi? Vanilla bean?_

_What? Would you prefer my custard pudding?_

_Can’t I be a magnolia or a daffodil?_

_Sorry, I thought we were just pretending. That wouldn’t be lying._

Yuzuru can feel his cheeks turning warmer and he tries to jerk away from the forceful grip by using the force of his pelvis and knees, only to make it easier for Javier to open his legs wide and sit between them. He unbuttons his jeans and pulls down the zipper, noticing a wet spot on Yuzuru’s briefs even when tears threaten to fall from his eyes.

_You are enjoying this too much Yuzuru._

_I’m not._

_What a great actor your body is then._

_Fuck you._

The heavy breathing of the ‘client’ is so loud Yuzuru thought he would really go sick, especially when it matches his own moan as Javier plunges his hand below the waistband of his underwear and fondles his manhood.

‘I thought you didn’t want this, my vanilla bean.’

‘I don’t. Please’

‘I can’t hear you.’

‘Please.’

‘What?’

‘More. _Touch me more_.’

There is a thin line between the imaginary world of acting and the reality of actions and Yuzuru is not sure where that boundary is anymore. Perhaps he had stepped over it already. It was all business, a few extra notes on his wallet, and no Javier.

It was all pretending, repeated over and over in his head like a mantra. No feelings, just a physiological reaction. It didn’t feel good. It did. Too good. Javier’s rough hands but gentle fingertips. If there would never be something more, then he could have the ‘now’, right there.

He would have it just like that, sprawled in the floor, the camera on him, if that meant Javier would touch him.

‘Please.’

‘See?’ Javier kneels between Yuzuru’s groin and licks the tip of his erection. ‘All he needed was a little encouragement and now,’ he sucks his lips, ‘sweet nectar. Come and try.’

The ‘client’ can barely walk as he trips over his loose pants, assuming Javier’s position who is holding Yuzuru prisoner. The slight tremors of the pink tip are almost enough for the other man to reach his climax and he drools over Yuzuru. Just as he prepares to take a bite, Javier kicks him in the stomach, perhaps even higher, cracking a rib or two. The ‘client’ falls on his back, gasping for air.

‘How long did you want to keep me like this?’ The unrestrained wrists are slightly bruised, but his pulse still beats at the same rhythm as Javier’s. Yuzuru quickly stands up and fixes his pants.

‘C’mon _my magnolia_ , it was for the show.’

The duo scans the room finding nothing of value except for the camera and a pair of silver cufflinks. There was also an unlabeled bottle of a transparent liquid and a small bag with white powder.

‘You!’ The man on the floor could barely breathe. ‘I’m going to find you and I’ll serve your livers to my dogs.’

‘You,’ Javier approaches the man and presses down on where he knew the damage was the most painful, ‘if you ever dare to lay your pig tongue on _him_ again, I swear I’ll have your coffin ready next to your wife’s.’

The room fell silent, even Yuzuru who was both enticed and terrified at that threat.

_Is this an act too Javier?_

 

 

‘Ever thought of making a career in Hollywood?’

Yuzuru had his head submerged in the fountain of the nearest park they had found. He didn’t care if there were tadpoles or larva eggs in it but he was becoming nauseated with the smell of the blond dye in his hair. The coloring came off easily, although it stained his T-shirt as the water dripped and soaked the fabric.

The night was cold and he suppressed a sneeze, only to let another one follow immediately. It echoed in the surrounding darkness.

‘I don’t know why you had to paint it. I love your black hair.’

 _Stop lying to me Javi_. ‘What if he recognizes me? Should I really go back and get his measurements for that coffin you promised?’

‘Relax.’ Javier sits on the gravel ground, lighting a cigarette. He offers one to Yuzuru who promptly refuses. ‘This is last time we accept jobs in this district.’

‘Why do you always choose these sick assholes? Can’t you find someone who gives hotel room cards like charity and would actually prefer a blowjob in a jacuzzi tub with lemon bubbles?’

Javier almost chokes from laughing and dragging the nicotine to his lungs. ‘You were hard Yuzu. You enjoyed it as much as I did.’

The younger man draws his knees to the chest, hiding himself from the cold and the embarrassment of the truth in Javier’s words. ‘Next time, how about you let me stick my gun up your butt and you beg me to go even deeper, uncle?’

‘You spoiled child.’ Their hands are all over each other, tickling bare navels and pinching armpits. Not one child, but two kids sharing a secret and making an oath in blood to never abandon one another.

There were no other people in this world except them. They were family, brothers, friends, conspirators, partners in crime, and…

‘Hey!’ Javier dodges a punch from Yuzuru. ‘It’s not my fault they want your porcelain face for their amateur porn videos.’ He catches one of the wrists and sees a black, purplish spot blotch there. ‘Sorry, did I hurt you?’

Yuzuru stops his attempts to hit the older man and pulls back his arm. ‘No.’ _Stop being nice to me Javi_. ‘We all make sacrifices to survive, don’t we?’

‘Sorry.’ He puts out the stub. ‘It was my fault today.’

‘Javi–‘ ‘No, I promise. No more crazy stunts like today. Only high caliber clients from now on.’

‘The ones that only drink water from the Himalayas.’

‘And martinis with ice from glaciers in the North Pole.’

‘She must have at least two warts on her upper lip.’

‘Then he must have an extra toe in each foot.’

They both laugh at their stupidity and for brief seconds, the world is only theirs.

‘I’ll never let another man hurt you. You have my word.’ Javier kisses Yuzuru lightly on the lips. It tastes of cheap tobacco and faint peppermint gum. ‘A good luck charm.’

Yuzuru wishes his luck would never improve so he could demand more amulets like that.

 

 

The first sun rays of dawn infiltrates Yuzuru’s room, peeking through the gaps of the rags resembling minimally like curtains. The bed is immaculately made, sheets tucked under the mattress and the duvet folded in the corner, except for the pillow that was missing and lying on the wooden floor. Yuzuru never slept in his own bed after a night encounter, after a client who paid well, excessively well, sometimes enough for him to be a recluse and avoid the streets for more than two weeks, and definitely not after a client who had thoroughly satisfied him.

Like last night, when a skillful mouth lavished all his body, head to toes, every curve of his bones and an equally proficient tongue made him come without penetration, more than once, all over himself, between the lips that refused to release him and sucked, drank, delighted in his creamy essence. It also helped that his client was a doctor, whether an actual one he didn’t know, but an expert in human anatomy and physiology, a doctor with surgeon fingers and brown hair. Hazelnut curly hair and a funny accent to him. An exquisite Latin accent that never pronounced his name correctly. Just like…

Yuzuru curled into himself and dove deeper into the foam softness of his pillow. The hard floor hurt his back and neck but his eyes remained closed. It was divine punishment like some of his patrons told him – to have the face of an angel but selling sin, to despise pleasure but crying at the throes of it, to be born into this world as a toy, a doll to follow orders (like when he diligently did when he was tied in silk scarves, gagged with leather collars, whipped with peacock feathers and stainless steel army tags) but clinging to the hope of being loved.

_Yuzuru._

He was sleeping and dreaming now, even when the cold morning draft was unforgivingly chilly and brought in a wave of dust. He dreamed of boots, old, worn-out boots but with blades on their soles that didn’t cut but slid over sheets of ice. He dreamed of spirals and circles drawn on the ice and a young girl that called him.

_Yuzuru._

She was small, petite, in a simple blue dress but her hair was black, as dark as his own and her smile was warmer than the twilight sun.

_Is that you Saya?_

_Yuzuru._

_Wait!_

_Find me Yuzuru._

‘Wake up, _my magnolia_.’

Javier’s steps were fast-paced, not looking for excuses but assertive and following the routine he too had conceived himself. Open the window, let fresh air in the demon’s cave, pick up the soiled pieces of clothing on the bathroom doorstep (a pair of socks, a tartan red skirt, damp briefs with sticky remnants of sex), check the mail box (it’s always empty).

‘Cross-dressing again? At least it could have been that chastity belt with Swarovski crystals.’

When Yuzuru didn’t answer (and turned his back to him instead), Javier pulled the pillow away, like a bully who steals the favorite trinket of the weakest boy in the sandbox. The younger man was jerked awake and his head hit the floor with a loud thud.

‘What the heck Javi?’ He moaned as his vision was suddenly doubled. He extended both his arms to the side, like a thief crucified in the salvation cross. ‘Can’t you be like a normal person?’

‘If only you were normal. I did call you.’

_You? Not Saya?_

‘My alarm hasn’t ring yet.’

‘You forgot to switch it on.’

‘You could have kissed me.’

‘Oh? Where? The finger that prickled the spinning wheel?’

‘My dick.’

Yuzuru sits as Javier approaches him and kisses his forehead. An electric shock runs down his spine and it’s not from his bad sleeping posture. He rubs his eyes and pretends to yawn to hide the lack of control over his body in the proximity of the Spaniard. He stands up, hoping his legs won’t wobble much.

‘Was it _that_ good last night?’

‘Acceptable. Polite, good character, had a cabinet with trophies in his living room.’

‘And this?’ Javier notices a wallet with ‘YSL’ inscribed on it. ‘Part of the deal?’

‘He gave me the money. Just one less note than we had agreed so I collected the interests myself.’ Yuzuru stretches for brief seconds and goes to the bathroom. His reflection on the mirror almost looks like a ghost, black bags under the eyes, lips drained of color and a paleness that rivalled a corpse. He turned on the hot water tap and squeezed a modest amount of lime-mint toothpaste onto his brush. Lack of sleep, if it was only that.

‘What for?’ Javier scavenges through the contents of the wallet. Credit cards from different banks, identification card, medical license (oncologist Dr. Jaime de La Cruz), driving license, a photograph with a young boy. Except for the cash on the bed, Javier throws the wallet outside the window, directly to the large trash container on the back alley.

‘Maybe he doesn’t know how to count.’ Yuzuru spits the foam onto the basin, a little blood mixed in it from brushing too hard.

_He didn’t like that I called your name when I came._

‘He was a rich bastard, that’s for sure. You attract them like magnets. Like Brian used to say, they love stray cats.’

‘Can’t be tamed right?’ Yuzuru strips his clothes in front of Javier, ready for shower. To be naked was a pillar of his profession so to be in his own skin was banal, completely free from shame. Still, under Javier’s gaze, he blushes like a virgin in the lover’s bedroom for the first time. He feels stupid. ‘Can you buy breakfast? I’m really hungry. You could take the opportunity and see if your Schnauzer finds an owner for tonight.’

Javier laughs while he grabs a few notes from the bed. ‘Listen,’ he slips the money inside his boxers as he traces his inner thigh, up his groin, to where his sex was confined, ‘ _this_ , my friend, is San Bernardo material.’

‘Right.’ Yuzuru raises his hands in defeat.

‘Coffee or milk tea?’

‘Hot chocolate, more on the cocoa, less on the milk.’

‘Anything else, my princess?’

‘A leash so your San Bernardo won’t go around biting asses.’

‘It will bite yours soon if you don’t shut up.’

‘Make me.’

And Yuzuru closes the door of the bathroom, the mere thought of riding Javier eliciting an erection from him. It was a cold-water shower that morning.

 

 

‘How long do you think we will continue like this?’ He slurps the last few drops of chocolate through a straw. The undissolved particles are coarse and overtly sweet. Just how he liked them.

‘Like what?’ Javier takes a bite of his smoked salmon, black truffle omelet sandwich.

They are both sitting on top of their building, old and noisy with the ventilation fans of the air-conditioning units and small boxes with rat poison on the corners of the steel ladders. Laundry lines ran from one side to the other and they ‘borrowed’ a towel from a neighbor as their picnic mat.

‘Like,’ Yuzuru empties his pockets on the space between the bags with sandwiches, chocolate bars, lavish vanilla cupcakes with strawberry icing, a carton of caramel ice cream and expensive cigarettes, ‘like this. Exactly like this. A card with my blood type so even if we get into a fight, the nurses in the hospitals won’t give me the wrong blood, condoms of different flavors so I don’t get bored.’ There was a small bottle of lavender lubricant and a small paper with a drawing of a cherry blossom. A doddle from a child. ‘I don’t want to be paid to be loved.’

Javier chews the wholegrain bread longer than he needs as if his teeth were trying to crush every single flaxseed and walnut chunks. ‘Do you know what I see when I look at them?’

Yuzuru looks at the crowd that waits for the traffic light to turn green down there in the main street. He shakes his head, trying to follow the different people the older man is pointing at.

‘The old man in the grey stripped suit, it’s only morning and he’s already dragging his feet. Unless he has a medical condition, I would say he’s tired of his job and he would definitely pay just for you to take off your shirt and play with your nipples. The couple in front of May’s, he is probably cheating on her with the waitress and the best part is that his girlfriend knows about it too. The lady in red, the one behind the other one with the orange jacket, you can smell her lack of self-confidence from here. If I go down now, I could get in her bed during her lunch break. But,’ he takes a sip of his latte, ‘do you see that girl cleaning the windows? Simple, focused. I want to marry one day with someone like her. I want to have kids, two, twins, who will wait for me to come home and ask me about math problems that I never learned to solve in school. Don’t you want something like that?’

Yuzuru smiles and keeps silent. He tilts his head, not nodding but not disagreeing either.

_I only want you Javi._

‘Maybe you like this life on the streets, don’t you Yuzu? To have every single man and women fall to your feet with the promise of a kiss. You suddenly appeared one day, no past, no future, and all my patrons only call me now to try to make an appointment with you. I deserve a raise, don’t you think?’

Yuzuru punches Javier lightly on the arm as the other man smirks. ‘Fucking pimp.’ He starts collecting back all the non-digestible items back to his pockets when the Spaniard grabs one of the condoms.

‘What is this?’

‘What?’

‘Sprinkled with gold? Where did you get this?’

‘It’s from a client.’

‘Why didn’t you use it?’

‘I told her my cock wasn’t as half expensive as that. Madame Unicorn, remember? I don’t why you call her that.’

‘She chose the name herself. I once asked her daughter out. We went to that fancy restaurant on the intersection with the fifth. I couldn’t put my hands on her but she has the softest lips I have ever kissed.’

Yuzuru feels his throat constricting and takes a deep breath. He grabs a chocolate bar to distract himself but it breaks easily with the strength he applied to it.

‘Well, not as soft as yours.’

The stupid grin is back. The stupid grin that Yuzuru loved so much and that was now corroding him with jealousy.

‘Why?’

‘Because,’ Javier rips the small packet open, ‘it’s fun the two of us. You and me, I and you, we both know what feels good and what we need. I trust you Yuzuru. Don’t you trust me?’

_I do, but I don’t as well. You make me the happiest Javi and yet, you won’t think twice when you throw me straight to hell._

‘Is it only trust?’

Javier closes the distance between them, knocking over his own coffee, the pungent liquid absorbed by the towel. His nails run up and down the skin of the younger man’s arm, up the veins inside of the elbow and down on the hairs that adorn it.

‘Trust, excitement, pleasure, what else do we sell?’

_Love. I want your love._

‘A game, a hunt.’ It is another trap that Javier lays and one he can’t escape. ‘Soft lips.’

‘Soft lips.’ The Spaniard echoes those words as he kisses them. Chaste, as if it was their first time, chocolate with coffee in their own version of a mocha. ‘Put _this_ on for me.’

‘No.’ Yuzuru doesn’t stop Javier though when he unlaces the knot of his sweatpants and slips his hand inside the boxers, massaging the hardening length and cupping his balls. ‘I can’t.’

‘Why? Is it the doctor? Was he _that_ good?’

‘No.’

‘I like you Yuzu.’

Javier slides the condom easily on the younger man and the contrast of the shimmering gold with the nightfall of his pubic hairs was like a surreal painting. ‘You’re so fucking gorgeous Yuzu.’

Yuzuru lets his entire being be concentrated on his throbbing manhood, caressed by the only one he ever wanted to touch him. When he came, it wasn’t only his member that was flooded with gold. His whole skin glowed for Javier.

_Am I still beautiful?_

 

 

It’s Saturday morning and Yuzuru wakes up again on the floor, a thin blanket over his shoulders so he wouldn’t catch a cold. He doesn’t even remember how he returned to his room, except the fake berries incense, the champagne flutes and the bubbles bursting on his tongue. It was sour and bitter now, like bile that eroded his gums and the enamel of his teeth. He felt nauseous, his head on a merry-go-round that had lost control. Yuzuru ran to the bathroom and swallowed a handful of pills, painkillers and vitamins, and while he almost vomited, his stomach settled immediately. He looked at his neck – there were very clearly at least three fingers imprinted below his chin and on the side of his throat.

‘Shit, that bitch must have drugged me.’

After his headache subsided (and after a hot shower that spoiled his aching muscles), when his hands finally stopped shaking, he manages to open a ginger ale can and down at least half of the volume into his empty stomach. There are more letters on his doorstep than usual. Electricity, heating, results from blood tests, a leaflet about a memory foam mattress, a note from Brian telling him to pay the rent. What a waste of trees and paper. Yuzuru throws them all to the wall, the different envelopes spreading in every possible direction like shards of a broken plate. He doesn’t know where the anger comes from.

That is when he notices a postcard hidden between the thick advertising catalogues. A postcard of a landscape of a city taken during the night, under the flowers of fireworks. It had no address and no name, except for a single capital letter – an S.

_Saya._

Yuzuru opened the door of his room but no one was there. He ran down the flight of stairs until he left the building and ran to the closest intersection looking for her. There was no one who resembled the image he had of her. Would he still recognize her if she appeared right before his eyes?

The young man returned to his apartment, under the scrutinizing gaze of passersby, some knowing perfectly about his nightly activities, others wondering what a thin, pale man, barefoot and clad in only briefs and a plain white T-shirt was doing there, eyes feral and breathless. Perhaps he had run away from an asylum. His lungs burned, and tears wet his cheeks.

‘Jesus, Yuzuru! What the fuck just happened?’

Javier let the maple syrup pancakes slide to the floor as he ran to Yuzuru, clutching him by the shoulders so he wouldn’t faint.

‘Are you ok? What do you need?’ Yuzuru shook his head. ‘Water?’ Negative again. ‘Tell me!’

‘My inhaler.’

Not on the table, not on the night stand, not even in the drawers where he kept his souvenir condoms, the different hair dyes and his 925 Sterling silver swiss knife. Desperation turned one blind and after ravishing almost every box, Javier found the medical pump under the bed.

‘What’s wrong? Did someone come in? A client? Was it the boys from Nikolai? It was, wasn’t it? I swear I’ll kill–‘

‘Nothing happened.’ Yuzuru’s breath stabilized though his chest still heaved. ‘Nothing.’

‘Nothing? You were having an attack.’

‘I just took the stairs instead of the lift.’

‘Toning your abs? Preparing to run the marathon?’

‘Fuck off Javi.’

‘Fuck you Yuzu. What would have happened if I didn’t show up?’

‘I would have survived. Like I did all these years alone! Or I could have just closed my eyes and we wouldn’t be having this dumb conversation.’

Javier stood up, ready to leave but instead he punched the nearest wall and knelt next to Yuzuru again. ‘Just tell me what happened. Why don’t you tell me?’

_Because I won’t be able to escape anymore._

‘Here, look at this.’ Yuzuru showed him the postcard, a little creased on the right corner from stepping on it. ‘It’s from my sister.’

‘Your sister? There is no name here.’

‘It must be from her. Who else would send me a postcard?’

‘There is no address either. It’s probably a prank. We did it before Yuzu.’

‘No! It must be her. It must be Saya. She is still alive. The city there is J. I’ve seen it in magazines before.’

Yuzuru searches his room for some travelling magazines that he must have stashed somewhere. He is going around like a dog trying to bite its own tail, until Javier grabs his arm and makes him sit again.

‘Fine. She’s in J. I believe you. But how are we supposed to go there? Brian won’t let you pick someone so soon. You must rest. Yesterday you–‘

‘I was what?’ Yuzuru frees himself from the grip abruptly. ‘What? Tell me. I was fucked by those twins until this morning even when I begged them I couldn’t take it anymore. Is this what you want to hear? Do you like hearing stories of how my patrons think I’m a nobody? Is this what you want Javi?’

‘Yuzu–‘

‘I hate this Javi. I hate all this. I just want to go home. But guess what? I have no home!’ The younger man is so frenzied he can’t even cry. ‘You’re my home Javi. You’re the only one I have. I don’t want anyone else but you. But I must see Saya. I must know.’

‘Yuzuru.’ The Spaniard is speechless and he hugs Yuzuru’s fragile frame, one that seemed on the verge of breaking. He can sense the frantic beating of his heart against his ribcage and he hugs even tighter. And yet, when Yuzuru lifts his face for a kiss, he avoids his soft lips.

_You have found your home, didn’t you Javi?_

‘I owe a favor to Madame Unicorn. She might be able to help you.’

 

 

‘Finally reconsidering my offer, my little ponies?’

It’s the four of them and they are sipping Earl Grey tea on her living room. The finest china cups matched with platinum spoons and strawberry jam scones. Javier nods in agreement, Yuzuru too, and they both notice how the girl next to Madame Unicorn couldn’t hide her blushing face.

‘It’s not just money this time, is it? What do you want more? Hide a corpse? Or unearth one?’

Yuzuru takes a bite of the sweet treat, not a single crumb falling off the saucer. ‘I would like a ticket to J. Madame.’

‘ _We_ would like tickets.’ Javier corrects the statement.

‘To J.? That’s unexpected. I assume it’s not business. Not a honeymoon too.’

‘It’s personal.’ The daughter intervenes and for the first time she looks at Yuzuru. She smiles and he does the same before adding an extra dash of milk to his tea.

‘It’s always personal Falabella. But who am I to pry into someone else’s life?’ She pulls out her smartphone from the pocket of her blue blazer and lays it on the table, next to her napkin. ‘One call, my ponies, and you can board tomorrow first flight to J. No questions, no immigration hassle.’

‘And what services would you like Madame?’ Javier pours her another cup of tea, no sugar.

‘I noticed it is your daughter’s birthday today. What gift could we offer to her?’ Yuzuru extends both his hands towards them as a sign he’s prepared to do anything.

‘You’re smart Yuzuru. I could have you exclusively for me if only you were willing.’ She offers him a sugar cube and he licks it from her finger. ‘Yes, today is Fala’s 19th birthday and I would like her to see carnal passion, that animal side in all of us.’

‘Which of us would you like to spend the night here with Fala?’ Yuzuru notices how Javier is infatuated with her, with her delicate hands and French nails, with her wavy, fiery hair and the rosy complexion that had never left her.

‘Both. I want you to have sex while she watches. Nothing hidden, no censorship, just pure pleasure from two young and virile men. Do this and you can have your tickets.’

Javier quickly agrees. Yuzuru shifts uncomfortably in the chair but he doesn’t refuse the contract.

‘Great! If all my business meetings were as this smooth.’ Madame Unicorn takes a final sip and prepares to leave. ‘Javier, come with me. We have a flight to discuss.’

When Yuzuru and Falabella are alone, she apologizes for such a whimsical demand.

‘It’s my job. I’ve had worse.’ Yuzuru reassures her.

‘But you love him, don’t you?’

The answer was clear even without voicing it.

 

 

The purple silk sheets are the most serene and soothing ones Yuzuru has ever been on, even when he was taken to five-star hotels. The mattress too, supple and yielding to every part of his exposed skin. It was luxury that made him believe he was dreaming but also luxury that reminded him it was all another act. Another pretend scenario where he had to be the perfect lover. But his partner was no fellow actor, he wasn’t one either, and he was never as nervous as now before having sex.

It was sex, pure instinct, but Javier wasn’t fucking him. There were platonic kisses on his forehead and promises that he would be taken care of in his arms. It was a version of Javier that he never thought it existed. Tender, attentive, caressing the spot behind his ears where he was most sensitive, hands that travelled from his chin to his nipples and teasing twists that made him whimper. It was an experienced Javier that bit patches down his abdomen and pelvis before gnawing on the milky whiteness of his inner thigh until there was a tooth mark and a bruise for a few days.

It was the rough Javier who changed their positions in bed until he too could suck the slick tip of his erection and smell the pine soap mixed with the scent of sex and musk. It made him moan, even with his mouth full, saliva and precum on his tongue, the vibrations reverberating all over Javier so that he too let a few groans shape his growing arousal. It was the impatient Javier who slipped a finger inside him, already wet, and two more, until it reached the knuckles and Yuzuru too thought he would just come with that friction.

It was _his_ Javier, only his, when Javier penetrated him and buried himself completely, stretching him until he thought he would break from the pressure but that he wouldn’t mind dying there. It was two bodies moving sloppily at first but then at the same rhythm, synchronized with chants of ‘more’, ‘please’ and ‘harder’, drenched in sweat and tears. It was Yuzuru but it wasn’t him too when Javier came while he rode him, his semen flooding his insides and dripping to the purple sheets. Yuzuru too had climaxed all over Javier’s chest. The bliss driven Javier was his Javi too, eyes glossy with lust, who had smeared his fingers with the leftovers of their love making and licked them before kissing Yuzuru’s lips. Soft lips.

Yuzuru could not fall asleep that night.

 

 

‘Red wine or white wine sir?’

‘What would you recommend?’

Yuzuru laughs as Javier flirts with the flight attendant, feigning ignorance over which wine to drink. He reclines the leather seat until his legs rest on the cushion of the ottoman. He notices one of the cabin members, a young man with freckles and azure eyes occasionally looking at him, and he’s not sure whether he blinks too much from the cabin pressure or whether he winks every time he walks by him in that side of the aisle.

‘I love flying first class.’ Javier takes a sip of the rosé. The nuts cocktail is also much more complete and delicious than the salt roasted peanuts from economy.

‘Whose idea was this?’ Yuzuru finds no movie to be interesting enough and he switches off the monitor in front of him.

‘I proposed business. Madame Unicorn was the one who upgraded it. Her daughter must have been very satisfied with our show.’

Yuzuru closes his eyes, reliving the ‘spectacle’, analyzing and reviewing the scenes like the utmost critic. It had been the performance of his life. There was nothing real to it. Nothing.

‘Is everything okay?’

‘I’m just tired.’ His voice is hoarse. ‘Shouldn’t have cried that much last night.’

‘Can I have your orgasm ‘yes’ as my ringtone?’

‘Fuck you.’

‘Already did.’ Javier pulls Yuzuru to him, embracing his slender silhouette, his fingers running through his hair and massaging his scalp. ‘Everything will be okay.’

‘What if Saya doesn’t recognize me? What if we don’t find her?’

‘I’ll never abandon you.’

‘Liar.’

‘You said I was your home, right? You’re my family too.’

Family. He nudges his head closer to his shoulder blade, inhaling the lemon flower cologne. Family. Yuzuru doesn’t dare to open his eyes, afraid that the Javier next to him is just part of a dream of his. Family. He doesn’t want to be the younger brother.

‘I’m sleepy.’

‘I’ll sing you a lullaby.’

‘Silly.’

Yuzuru cries in silence.

_It wasn’t unrequited, this love. It was only mine._


End file.
